Monday, December 31, 2007
just accept what cannot be changed.....
The Gurbani says: "Whatever happens naturally is the best". "Sahaj subah jo hoe so ho". This is also a mantra being featured in human resource development (HRD) courses as it is considered an effective antidote to daily tensions. These words could foresee the momentum of life and the tumult of stress and ensuing frustrations. Tension more often than not gives way to frustration, causing unhappiness. Most of us find it difficult to cope with daily frustrations. Often, we pursue goals and desires that are unrealistic. We pursue them with faith and determination hoping that persistence will yield results, which is not a bad thing. However, when the goal seems distant we should not bang our heads against the wall in frustration. Osho said "No matter what you do, life turns out the way it turns out. Struggling with life does not help at all". A miracle must happen. But when it does not, the best thing to do is to fall in line with karmic happenings. Destiny has a role and is subject to certain limitations. I once asked my guru, "Can you change the destiny of your disciple?" The answer was "Why? A true guru will not interfere with the karmic destiny of his disciple. He will only help him spiritually". A young, talented girl who was frustrated with unrequited love, asked her guru: "Why doesn't God answer my prayers?" The guru replied, "If a child wants to play with a knife, will his mother give it to him even if he throws a tantrum? No. While working out your destiny, you might come across better choices. May be there is something better in store for you. Let go. Start afresh before the hurt becomes a wound". In the pursuit of our dreams we encounter delays, blockages and obstructions. We throw up our hands in frustration and scream "Why can't i do it?" Don't push yourself against an unyielding wall. Take time off. Create a space. For on this journey, there are waiting rooms, transit lounges, and change of tyre on the way. Time, trust and tryst must synchronise with yield fulfilment. By that time you may have discovered a new purpose, a new goal, or even a new obsession. You may even find a spot of bliss. Sahaj subah jo hoe so ho. When you fall in line with your karmic destiny, life is lived effortlessly. It is said that happiness lies in the rhythm of life. Life is a flow. Cascade over the obstacles. The rhythm of life gains grace and agility, when you move on without the baggage of frustration. Frustration can be as small as a prolonged wait for a raise in your salary or it may be as shattering as failure in a deep relationship. Frustration is self-consuming. Effort has great value. But effort should be productive. Follow the law of least wastage. Despite that if things go wrong, follow the law of substitution. When nothing seems to work, follow the law of acceptance. Believe that whatever is in your destiny, acceptance becomes necessary. Often, when you cooperate with your karmic destiny and internalise the law of acceptance, things just start happening. Your inner struggle is over. And your goals and intense desires are fulfilled in a mystical ways.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
the wedding ring effect !!!!
The Wedding Ring Effect
Finding the right person to marry with is not a simple matter. Individuals are often restricted to indirect cues when assessing the mate value of a potential partner. Women seem to imitate each other's choice; in other words, the probability of a female choosing a particular male increases if he has already been chosen by other females. It's a psychological phenomenon known as the "wedding ring effect" and it explains why women are more attracted to married men.
There are numerous competing theories as to why this happens. Some suggest that the wedding ring is a cue that a man is "safe," a passing opportunity for empty flirting; while others theorize that the female psyche sees the ring as an indication that another woman has deemed him worthy. Perhaps practice is the key to being a good mate, and females tend pick the male they know has put in some hours. Maybe it's because people generally want what they can't have - you know, forbidden fruit is sweeter.This kind of behavior is also observed in several species of fish and birds — and especially in guppies, which is one of the most popular freshwater aquarium fish species in the world. In the animal world, this is known as as guppy syndrome or "mate-choice copying." It was first documented in 1996 that female guppies, which normally prefer to mate with large and colorful male guppies, are easily persuaded to pick a smaller and less colorful male if they observe another female mating with him. Since it's hard to get into the psychology of a guppy, we have to project a human interpretation on what we see: the females assume there's something special — if subtly so — about males who've already been chosen as mates.So the question is, is the wedding ring effect a human-level analogue to the mate-choice copying we can observe in the animal kingdom? Is it possible to extrapolate this behavior to ourselves? Has anyone experienced the guppy effect/wedding ring effect firsthand?
Finding the right person to marry with is not a simple matter. Individuals are often restricted to indirect cues when assessing the mate value of a potential partner. Women seem to imitate each other's choice; in other words, the probability of a female choosing a particular male increases if he has already been chosen by other females. It's a psychological phenomenon known as the "wedding ring effect" and it explains why women are more attracted to married men.
There are numerous competing theories as to why this happens. Some suggest that the wedding ring is a cue that a man is "safe," a passing opportunity for empty flirting; while others theorize that the female psyche sees the ring as an indication that another woman has deemed him worthy. Perhaps practice is the key to being a good mate, and females tend pick the male they know has put in some hours. Maybe it's because people generally want what they can't have - you know, forbidden fruit is sweeter.This kind of behavior is also observed in several species of fish and birds — and especially in guppies, which is one of the most popular freshwater aquarium fish species in the world. In the animal world, this is known as as guppy syndrome or "mate-choice copying." It was first documented in 1996 that female guppies, which normally prefer to mate with large and colorful male guppies, are easily persuaded to pick a smaller and less colorful male if they observe another female mating with him. Since it's hard to get into the psychology of a guppy, we have to project a human interpretation on what we see: the females assume there's something special — if subtly so — about males who've already been chosen as mates.So the question is, is the wedding ring effect a human-level analogue to the mate-choice copying we can observe in the animal kingdom? Is it possible to extrapolate this behavior to ourselves? Has anyone experienced the guppy effect/wedding ring effect firsthand?
from paulo coelho
Our Lady’s juggler
A medieval legend tells us that in the country we know today as Austria the Burkhard family – a man, a woman and a child – used to amuse people at Christmas parties by reciting poetry, singing ancient troubadour ballads, and juggling. Of course, there was never any money left over to buy presents, but the man always told his son: “Do you know why Santa Claus’s bag never gets empty, although there are so many children in the world? Because it may be full of toys, but sometimes there are more important things to be delivered, what we call “invisible gifts”. In a broken home, he tries to bring harmony and peace on the holiest night in Christianity. Where love is lacking, he deposits a seed of faith in children’s hearts. Where the future seems black and uncertain, he brings hope. In our case, the day after Father Christmas comes to visit us, we are happy to be still alive and doing our work, which is to make people happy. Never forget that.” Time passed, the boy grew up, and one day the family passed in front of the impressive Melk Abbey, which had just been built.“Father, do you remember many years ago you told me the story of Santa Claus and his invisible gifts? I think that I received one of those gifts once: the vocation to become a priest. Would you mind if now I took my first step towards what I have always dreamed of?” Although they really needed their son’s company, the family understood and respected the boy’s wish. They knocked at the door of the monastery and were given a loving, generous welcome by the monks, who accepted the young Buckhard as a novice.Christmas Eve came around. And precisely on that day, a special miracle happened in Melk: Our Lady, carrying the baby Jesus in her arms, decided to descend to Earth to visit the monastery. All the priests lined up and each of them stood proudly before the Virgin trying to pay homage to the Madonna and her Son. One of them displayed the beautiful paintings that decorated the place, another showed a copy of a Bible that had taken a hundred years to be written and illustrated, while a third recited the names of all the saints. At the very end of the line, young Buckhard anxiously waited his turn. His parents were simple people, and all that they had taught him was to toss balls up in the air and do some juggling. When it came his turn, the other priests wanted to put an end to all the homage that had been paid, since the ex-juggler had nothing important to add and might even mar the image of the abbey. Nevertheless, deep in his heart he also felt a great need to give something of himself to Jesus and the Virgin. Feeling very ashamed before the reproachful gaze of his brothers, he took some oranges from his pocket and began to toss them in the air and catch them in his hands, creating a beautiful circle in the air just as he used to do when he and his family traveled to all the fairs in the region. At that instant, the baby Jesus, lying in Our Lady’s lap, began to clap his hands with joy. And it was to young Buckhard that the Virgin held out her arms to let him hold the smiling child for a few moments. The legend ends by saying that on account of this miracle, every two hundred years a new Buckhard knocks on the door of Melk Abbey, is welcomed in, and for the whole time he remains there he warms the hearts of all who meet him.
A medieval legend tells us that in the country we know today as Austria the Burkhard family – a man, a woman and a child – used to amuse people at Christmas parties by reciting poetry, singing ancient troubadour ballads, and juggling. Of course, there was never any money left over to buy presents, but the man always told his son: “Do you know why Santa Claus’s bag never gets empty, although there are so many children in the world? Because it may be full of toys, but sometimes there are more important things to be delivered, what we call “invisible gifts”. In a broken home, he tries to bring harmony and peace on the holiest night in Christianity. Where love is lacking, he deposits a seed of faith in children’s hearts. Where the future seems black and uncertain, he brings hope. In our case, the day after Father Christmas comes to visit us, we are happy to be still alive and doing our work, which is to make people happy. Never forget that.” Time passed, the boy grew up, and one day the family passed in front of the impressive Melk Abbey, which had just been built.“Father, do you remember many years ago you told me the story of Santa Claus and his invisible gifts? I think that I received one of those gifts once: the vocation to become a priest. Would you mind if now I took my first step towards what I have always dreamed of?” Although they really needed their son’s company, the family understood and respected the boy’s wish. They knocked at the door of the monastery and were given a loving, generous welcome by the monks, who accepted the young Buckhard as a novice.Christmas Eve came around. And precisely on that day, a special miracle happened in Melk: Our Lady, carrying the baby Jesus in her arms, decided to descend to Earth to visit the monastery. All the priests lined up and each of them stood proudly before the Virgin trying to pay homage to the Madonna and her Son. One of them displayed the beautiful paintings that decorated the place, another showed a copy of a Bible that had taken a hundred years to be written and illustrated, while a third recited the names of all the saints. At the very end of the line, young Buckhard anxiously waited his turn. His parents were simple people, and all that they had taught him was to toss balls up in the air and do some juggling. When it came his turn, the other priests wanted to put an end to all the homage that had been paid, since the ex-juggler had nothing important to add and might even mar the image of the abbey. Nevertheless, deep in his heart he also felt a great need to give something of himself to Jesus and the Virgin. Feeling very ashamed before the reproachful gaze of his brothers, he took some oranges from his pocket and began to toss them in the air and catch them in his hands, creating a beautiful circle in the air just as he used to do when he and his family traveled to all the fairs in the region. At that instant, the baby Jesus, lying in Our Lady’s lap, began to clap his hands with joy. And it was to young Buckhard that the Virgin held out her arms to let him hold the smiling child for a few moments. The legend ends by saying that on account of this miracle, every two hundred years a new Buckhard knocks on the door of Melk Abbey, is welcomed in, and for the whole time he remains there he warms the hearts of all who meet him.
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